I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
