Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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