I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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