Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
