you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
