Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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