your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
