you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
