i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
