How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
