He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
