just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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