Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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