ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i don't like sucking hair
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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