It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
