Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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