My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
