why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
