well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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