please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
