I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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