My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
