if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
