Are we in a gay sports bar?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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