You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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