Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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