My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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