I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
