I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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