i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
