I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
