note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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