Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
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