I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
