my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
