there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
