Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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