Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
