I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
