He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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