My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
