I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
