apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
