Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
