I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
