Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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