this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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