2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
