Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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