Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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