Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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