I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
