so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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