Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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