apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
