And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
