I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
They are going to name an STD after you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
