please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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