How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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