forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
