I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
