I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
