arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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