that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
