Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
