Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
